As-salamu `alaykum wa rahmatullah
Al-Khattab ibn al-Mu`alla’ al-Makhzumi (rahimahullah) advises his son so beautifully and wisely.
(This was a lengthy piece of advice, but I’ve only translated parts which I hoped will benefit everyone in general.)
“… O my son, be conscious of Allah and be in his obedience. Stay away from His prohibitions by following the Sunnah and the milestones (on this path) until your faults are rectified and coolness is brought to your eyes. Truly, nothing is hidden to Allah.
I have written down some characteristics for you and I have drawn up a plan for you. If you memorise it, understand it and follow it, you will fill the eyes of kings, be followed by the poor and destitute, and you will always be hoped for; a superior who will always be needed and people shall desire what lies with you….
‘Obey your father, restrict your advice to him, open your heart to him and pay close attention to this. Beware of excessive speech, beware of laughing and joking too much, and beware of belittling your friends, because that does away with beauty and instead creates rancour and enmity. Always be dignified and composed but let not arrogance be described of you nor let haughtiness and pride be related from you. Meet both your friend and enemy with a face of goodness & pleasure and prevent harm without humiliating yourself for them or standing in awe of them.
Be moderate in all your affairs, for truly the best of affairs lies in their moderation. Lessen your speech, spread the greeting of peace, walk with strength and purpose and do not drag your feet or tug on your clothes… Do not look here and there, turning about too much and do not stop by the groups of people that gather. Do not make the market the place of your hang out, nor take the shops as a place to sit and talk. Don’t always argue, and do not debate with the foolish ones; if you speak, be concise, and if you joke then limit your jokes…
Let your sitting be one of calmness, and let your speech be divided (i.e. let others speak too). Attribute the goodly words to those who said them to you without displaying amazement, and do not always ask for questions to be repeated… Don’t speak too much about your admiration for your children, your maid, your horse or your sword, and beware of relaying your dreams because if you are amazed by them, the foolish will display desire towards that and they will make up dreams for you and then discredit your intelligence…
Do not teach your family –and those other than them even more so- how to count your money, for if they see you possessing little, you will become lowly to them, and if they see you possessing much, you will not be able to satisfy or please them…
If you fall into argument, then have respect and do not show ignorance. Steer clear from haste and think about your proofs and points of argument… If someone proves ignorant towards you, then forebear it, and only speak when your anger resides… Protect your honour and cast away excessiveness from yourself. If the ruler draws you close, then beware of him, and if he shows delight at your presence, then do not feel safe from him suddenly changing towards you.
If you promise, fulfil your promise and if you speak, speak only the truth. Choose the best of words when you do speak and if you narrate something you heard, then attribute those words to their speaker… Truthfulness is a beauty and lies are a disgrace; a truth which brings about the downfall of a person has better outcomes than a lie which saves him. Imitate the people of virtue and understanding; and you shall soon be amongst them.
Know that every person is only where they place themselves , and every worker will have their work attributed to them. A man is known by his close companions; so beware of evil brethren because they betray those who accompany them and grieve the one who befriends them… Brethren are of two types: the one who preserves you at the time of calamities, and the one who befriends you at the time of ease and goodness. So preserve the friend who was there during the difficulties and abandon the one who’s there only in times of ease for they are the worst of enemies…
And whoever follows his desires, they shall cast him to his destruction. Do not be surprised by short-tempered men and do not belittle those of thin physique for a person’s essence only lies in two components: his heart and his tongue…
Protect yourself from corruption, even if you are in the lands of the enemy. Do not spread down your honour to one who is beneath you, and do not allow your wealth to mean more to you than your honour. Do not increase your speech such that you become burdensome to the people. Smile at those who sit with you and accept the one who comes to meet you…
O my son, the wife of a man is his means of serenity, and there is no life worthwhile by contradicting her. So if you wish to marry a woman, then ask about her family, for it is the goodly roots that bear the sweetest fruits. And know that women are extremely different to one another just like the fingers on a hand are different to each other…’”
Then he proceeds to describe the different types of women which I will NOT translate! Lol, it was actually hilarious reading it. 🙂
He (rahimahullah) then ends his advice by saying:
“… O my son, may Allah make you from those who follow the guidance, who achieve piety, who steer clear from the wrath of Allah and love His Pleasure. I place you in the care of Allah after I’m gone, and He is in charge of your affairs. There is no strength or power except in Allah the Most High and Great, and may Allah send His peace and blessings upon the Prophet of Guidance, and upon his family.”
[Rawdhat al-‘Uqala’ by Ibn Hibban]
I just love reading the golden words of advice from our pious predecessors! May Allah benefit us with their words and bless us to follow their guidance, ameen.
EDIT: Due to public demand ( 🙂 ) I’ve ended up translating the part on the different types of women to marry:
… O my son, the wife of a man is his means of serenity, and there is no life worthwhile by contradicting her. So if you wish to marry a woman, then ask about her family, for it is the goodly roots that bear the sweetest fruits. And know that women are extremely different to one another just like the fingers on a hand are different to each other, so guard yourself against every foul-mouthed one who has the tendency to cause harm.
From amongst them (women) is she who is most impressed with herself and who belittles her husband. If he honours her, she sees it to be due to her virtue over him. She does not thank for the (abundant) good, nor is she content with the little she receives from him. Her tongue against him is like a polished sword; and this has lifted the covering of shyness from her face. She is not ashamed of her faults, nor is she shy of her neighbours. She’s like a growling dog (ouch!), quarrelsome, biting and voracious. So the face of her husband becomes wounded and his honour abused. She does not preserve him neither in Deen (religion) nor in Dunya (worldly matters), and she does not care for his companionship nor does she increase him in offspring. His ‘hijab’ (covering) has been torn down by her, his ‘sitr’ (veil) has been widely spread out (i.e. his secrets and private affairs revealed), and all his goodness has been buried (forgotten). He wakes up depressed and spends the evening rebuking/scolding. His drink is bitter, his food in anger, and his children astray. His house is in ruins, his clothes dirty, and his hair messy. If he laughs, it’s without spirit, and if he talks, it’s out of coercion. His days are like night and his nights are full of woe. She has bitten him like a ravenous snake and stung him like a scorpion.
And from amongst them is the lazy, tipsy, obscene woman who rages, threatens, devises and has a quagmire of poison with her. She goes with the wind and flies with every bird. If her husband says ‘No’ she says ‘Yes’ and if he says ‘Yes’ she says ‘No.’ She brings shame to him and belittles all that’s in his hands. She puts forward parables for him and puts him down/lowers him beneath other men. She takes him from one state to another until his house fills with hate, his children bored and his livelihood scarce without blessing. He becomes lowly to his own self, until his friends reject him and his neighbours feel sorry for him.
And from amongst them is the foolish unwise woman, who places things in the wrong place, slurs her speech and takes what does not belong to her. She’s content and relies on his love, is pleased with his earnings but she consumes like a grazing donkey. Her radiance is seen but her voice is not heard, her house is not swept, her food is stale and her cooking pots are marked with residue! Her dough is sour, her water not cool, her goods cultivated, her utensils out of reach, her servant is often beaten and her neighbours deprived.
Then from amongst them (i.e. the one to look for) is the compassionate, tender, loving woman, who is blessed, affectionate and trustworthy when absent. She is beloved by her neighbours and is praiseworthy both inwardly and outwardly. A generous wife, full of virtue & morals and is not one to raise her voice. Her house is clean, her servant well-fed and her children look good. Her goodness is long-lasting and her husband joyful. She is dearly loved, familiar and harmonious. Modesty, integrity, and goodness is often attributed to her…”
please translate the rest!
MASHALLAH excellent advice!
jazakALLAH khair for sharing!
I agree with Adil—please translate the rest! I do love his advice.
Jazak Allah khair for your translation 🙂
Subhan’Allah I’m sharing this on my blog.
Beautiful! But I want to read about the part you missed out.. Types of women, grateful if u could e mail it me.
Sr Zahida
Assalamualaykum,
JazakAllahkheir again for such great work.
Please could you translate the rest?
واعلم أن النساء أشد اختلافا من أصابع الكف فتوق منهن كل ذات بذا مجبولة على الأذى فمنهن المعجبة بنفسها المزرية ببعلها إن أكرمها رأته لفضلها عليه لا تشكر على جميل ولا ترضى منه بقليل لسانها عليه سيف صقيل قد كشفت القحة ستر الحياء عن وجهها فلا تستحي من إعوارها ولا تستحي من جارها كلبة هرارة مهارشة عقارة فوجه زوجها مكلوم
وعرضه مشتوم ولا ترعى عليه لدين ولا الدنيا ولا تحفظه لصحبة ولا لكثرة بنين حجابه مهتوك وستره منشور وخيره مدفون يصبح كئيبا ويمسي عاتبا شرابه مر وطعامه غيظ وولده ضياع وبيته مستهلك وثوبه وسخ ورأسه شعث إن ضحك فواهن وإن تكلم فمتكاره نهاره ليل وليله ويل تلدغه مثل الحية العقارة وتلسعه مثل العقرب الجرارة
ومنهن شفشليق شعشع سلفع ذات سم منقع وإبراق واختلاق تهب مع الرياح وتطير مع كل ذي جناح إن قال لا قالت نعم وإن قال نعم قالت لا مولدة لمخازيه محتقرة لما في يديه تضرب له الأمثال وتقصر به دون الرجال وتنقله من حال الى حال حتى قلا بيته ومل ولده وغث عيشه وهانت عليه نفسه وحتى أنكره إخوانه ورحمه جيرانه
ومنهن الورهاء الحمقاء ذات الدل في غير موضعها الماضغه للسانها الآخذة في غير شأنها قد قنعت بحبه ورضيت بكسبه تأكل كالحمار الراتع تنتشر الشمس ولما يسمع لها صوت ولم يكنس لها بيت طعامها بائت وإناؤها وضر وعجينها حامض وماؤها فاتر ومتاعها مزروع وماعونها ممنوع وخادمها مضروب وجارها محروب
ومنهن العطوف الودود المباركة الولود المأمونه على غيبها المحبوبة في جيرانها المحمودة في سرها وإعلانها الكريمة التبعل الكثيرة التفضل الخافضة صوتا النظيفة بيتا خادمها مسمن وابنها مزين وخيرها دائم وزوجها ناعم موموقه مالوفه وبالعفاف والخيرات موصوفة
If you really want to read it – it is above, albeit the arabic is not that straightforward so forget about cutting and pasting it into an automated translator.
Can anyone be so kind as to translate please?
Lol, why does everyone want to read the rest?!
Fair enough, it’s been posted above by brother Fulaan… I also do not recommend using an online translation tool at all, it would have disastrous effects! Erm, we could all just learn Arabic… : )
Dear Fajr, for those of us who can’t speak Arabic – please translate – I want to see what type of woman I am ! lol
Ya Fajr, please translate it insha Allah cos I also want to see what type of woman I am insha Allah lol.
May Allah reward you and aid you in all your affairs for this is indeed very beneficial. barakallahu feeki
Jazak Allah Khayr Akhi. Please translate the rest, it would be much appreciated. Many of us would like to know what is stated for knowledge purposes and not for joking purposes. again jazakallahu khayran.
Salam. This is amazing mashaAllah. Can you please share the book reference or from wherever it has been taken? 🙂
Sorry but there is no share button? :O
Ah, ok ok, you’ve convinced me although I resisted well (I think!). But I don’t know how much of a benefit it’ll be to most of you as it’s mainly common sense (or so I hope so), and describes the wild type of women to avoid, ya’ni the raging elephants. I’m sure all of you sisters do not fit into the first crazy categories anyway! 🙂
For those interested, here’s the full translation on the types of women to avoid (feminists look away now!):
Jazak Allaho khairan .. Very glad , great advice and amazing observation .. May Allah make us the coolness of our spouses eyes .. Ameen
Hajrah, this is taken from Rawdhat al-‘Uqala’ by Ibn Hibban (rahimahullah).
: ) Jazak Allah Kyarun, That is even more beautiful!! We shouldn’t shy away from the truth.
That’s why we are in this state… Subhan Allah
Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatu Allaahi wa barakaatuh,
There’s alot of beneficial advice in here. May Allaah help us to benefit from it. Jazaki Allaah khayr.
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah. I am so happy with this post that I can only say Jazakallahu khaer.
Asalaamu alaykum waRahmatullah waBarakaatuh
Maa shaa’ Allah, al Khattaab was extremely eloquent and precise in his wording. Rahimahu-Allah.
Salam, hi there, i like the story but can know what is it about the woman that you have NOT stated? I would really like to know thank you! I would appreciate it if you could email it to me! Wassalam!
Assalamu alaikum Fajr. I really liked this. This bit is like my mum – this is how I remember her throughout the toughests years of bringing up kids etc.:
“compassionate, tender, loving woman, who is blessed, affectionate and trustworthy when absent. She is beloved by her neighbours and is praiseworthy both inwardly and outwardly. A generous wife, full of virtue & morals and is not one to raise her voice. Her house is clean, her servant well-fed and her children look good. Her goodness is long-lasting and her husband joyful. She is dearly loved, familiar and harmonious. Modesty, integrity, and goodness is often attributed to her”
Wa `alaykumusalam Fatima, masha’Allah may Allah bless your mother and all our mums! And may He bless us to be good wives and mothers, ameen 🙂
‘Assalaam alaikum werehmatullahi wabarakatuhu
Sister Fajr I hope you are fine inshaAllah. You mentioned taking a course about time management in one of your posts. I have always benefited by your posts bi’idnillah, I would greatly appreciate if you could share it with us on your blog. I am in great need of
it. Wasalaam alaikum werehmatullahi.
Your sister in Islam
Wa `alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Sorry for the delayed reply. Oh, it’s been years since that course; not sure where I put my notes, but yes insha’Allah once I find them, I will share. It’s very beneficial to have these practical tips, makes a world of difference to your days, weeks, years.
masha’Allah…I can’t explain the feeling of happiness in my heart when I read gems from the Salaf. may Allah raise us with the righteous ones! ameen
Asalaamu alaykum waRahmatullahi waBarakaatuh.
Please share more gems of Arabic on your pages sister, baarak Allahu feeki.
Great advice .. Kindly translate the rest .. Really nice .. Ma sha Allah .. Jazak Allaho khairan
salam 3alaykum wa ra7matullah Fajr
Sis, was wondering if could ask you for a real big favour?
Would it be possible o paste the Arabic text for the above piece? in fact is this something you would be able to do for the more significnt excerpts, to increase the benefit ?
Barakallahu feeki!
Wassalam
Wa `alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Ok sis, I will try insha’Allah. I don’t have my shamela (computer program of books) any more which means I’ll have to search for the Arabic text online. Most of the translations I do are straight from original books, but if I have the Arabic at hand online (or it’s easily locatable), then yes insha’Allah I will add it in.
Wa fiki barak’Allah.
lol at the sister who asked you to translate as she would liek to know which type of a woman she is!. May Allah reward you sis, I loved this mashaAllah.
Reblogged this on theamatullah.