As-salamu `alaykum wa rahmatullah
Tarbiyyah Focus :-
Learning to forgive and pardon others always brings more benefit to one’s self than it does to others. It creates an atmosphere of relaxation, tranquility and ease in your heart and you learn to get on with the more important things of your life. Bearing grudges and constantly looking to others, remembering all the ills and wrongs that people have committed against you will forever weigh you down, depress you, anchor you in unhappiness and make you a very horrible person! So as is mentioned frequently in the Qur’an and Sunnah, forgive and overlook the faults of others.
Without a doubt however, there will be times when you’ll need to stand up and rectify the wrong, because a Muslim should be strong and never allow him/herself to be oppressed, harmed or trodden on etc, but at the end of the day, when all is resolved, forgiveness and pardoning is the way to go. As part of a lifelong tarbiyyah, we should learn to create a distance between the actions of others and their effect on us. Unfortunately, it is the case that at times, there are people (whether they’re in authority, are laymen, general public or even your friends) who will wrong you, criticise you, harm you, wish you ill, stand against you, betray you etc, but these are oft-occuring matters of this world which you can’t run away from. Instead, the best thing you can do is build yourself up and attain the tarbiyyah to help you best deal with such occurences, and lessen their effect on you.
Forgive, and although you don’t always have to forget (though that would be good), take a lesson and then cleanse your heart from malice, all the while hoping for the Help of Allah and His reward. To draw this home, I’ve translated parts of a small chapter from Ibn Muflih’s book, al-Adab al-Shar’iyyah on pardoning those who oppress and wrong others (based on the incident of Imam Ahmad’s trial and persecution):
Salih, the son of Imam Ahmad, relates that he went to his father and said,
‘I’ve heard that a man came to Fadhl al-Anmati and said to him, “If I do not help and support you, will you forgive me?” Al-Fadhl said to him, ‘I will never forgive anyone (who does that).” My father then smiled and remained silent.
After a few days, he said to me, ‘I came across this verse: “So whoever forgives and rectifies, then his reward is upon Allah…” [al-Shura: 40] and I looked to its tafsir (explanation); it was as Hashim ibn al-Qasim narrated to me from al-Mubarak from al-Hasan that he said:
‘When all the nations kneel before the Lord of the Worlds on the Day of Judgement, and it is proclaimed “Let all those whose reward is upon Allah, rise up” none shall get up except those who used to forgive others in the world.’
My father then said, ‘So I have forgiven those who’ve passed away for their beating me.’ Then he began to say, ‘And how can it be that a man is punished by Allah because of another man?’
In the report of al-Marwadi is the statement of al-Sha’bi: ‘If you forgive him once (the one who wronged you), then you shall attain twice the reward.’
Al-Hasan al-Basri: ‘The best of a believer’s characteristics is forgiving and pardoning.’
And ‘Umar made the amazing statement: ‘I have forgiven all the people.’
– Al-Adab al-Shar’iyyah by Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali [vol 1, pg. 85-86]
As salamu ‘alaykum,
Beautiful post and blog. JazakAllah for the reminder.
Javier.
Jazakillahu khairan
Salaam,
I just wanto to clarify that Allah will not forgive someone if they died on disbelief,as it says in surah Nisa:
Allah forgiveth not (the sin of) joining other gods with Him; but He forgiveth whom He pleaseth other sins than this: one who joins other gods with Allah, Hath strayed far, far away (from the right). — Sura 4:116
However, if you meant that Allah forgives disbelivers if they repent and accept islam before they die then yes, He will forgive them inshAllah.
Mashaa’Allah! Great reminder indeed! If Allah can forgive a person who disbelived in him, how can we not forgive our brothers and sisters? And yes forgiveness does cleanse one’s heart and brings contentment to the person! JAK sis! May Allah reward you with fordaws-A’laa! Ameen!
Subhan Allah! A beautiful and timely reminder for me, May Allah SWT receive you returning unto Him well pleased and well pleasing. Aameen.
Assalaamu alaylum wa rahmatu Allaahi wa barakaatuh,
This a a great quality to aspire to. Truly one of the characteristics of the people of Paradise. May Allaah make this easy for us. Ameen.
Jazaaki Allaahu khayr. Ma sha keep up the good work. May Allaah reward you with the best of both worlds. Ameen.
Wa `alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Wa iyyakum.
It is a difficult trait to come across subhan’Allah… but a beautiful one at that.
Salaam alaykum wa rahmatuallah
jazakAllahukhair.
may Allah make forgiving easy for all of us ,ameen
jazakAllhukhair may Allah ta’al guide us as he guided the sahaba
Can you forgive a person, but at the same time stay away from him? I really don’t want to put up with the person but at the same time I forgive him. Is that allowed?
It’s a good question brother Bilal, and something that many of us have perhaps contended with from time to time. It might be wise you seek advice from someone more knowledgeable who can hear the finer details to your predicament insha’Allah.
If you want my thoughts, I personally believe forgiveness relates more to a person foregoing their right of vengeance and their right to extra deeds on the Day of Judgement (whereby they free another person from punishment or questioning etc). At all times, the believer is encouraged to forgive and overlook.
However staying away from a person who you don’t want to put up with really depends on your relationship. If it’s a family member, relative or someone with whom you have mutual rights with (or has sacred rights over you), then Islamically it’s not recommended as it can lead to a breaking of ties etc.
If it’s a person who is outside of this circle and whom you fear some harm from, then I would say assess the pros and cons and if you feel it’s better both for your Deen and Dunya, then I don’t see why you can’t keep your distance. Many times scholars and the righteous of the past have spoken about distancing oneself from the harm of others, and some have even gone to the extent of recommending periods of solitude (‘Azla) just to keep safe from those whom they’ve experienced harm from etc.
But the believer is always recommended to be righteous and haleem (forbearing). As said, ‘Good company is better than no company and no company is better than bad company.’ We all err and make mistakes so we shouldn’t really abandon people for a single mistake. Ibn al-Mubarak once said, “Do not hold all people to account for their mistakes, but rather say to them ‘Come, let us go on our way.’ If you hold them for their mistakes, then you shall tire and remain in your life without any friends.”. If however, a particular harm is repetitive and affects your Deen/Dunya, then it’s wiser you take steps to protect yourself.
We often confuse ‘forgiveness’ to mean completing forgetting the harms/problems caused to us by others, and whilst that is noble in and of itself (and has its time, place and application), a Muslim also has to be smart, learn from past experiences and see what benefits him personally in this life and Next. Being cautious is a commendable trait, but being too overcautious can actually harm you too, wallahu a’lam.
I previously posted about the concept of ‘Azla here: http://fajr.wordpress.com/2009/09/23/benefits-of-seclusion/
Assalamalaikum wa rahmatullah
Perhaps a relevant hadeeth to tis ends is that in the saheeh, where he, sallaallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said that The Believer who mixes with the people and is patient/perseverent in spite of their harm is better than the Believer who does not mx with the people nor put up patiently with their harm.
it also seems, and Allah only knows best, that a general ruling is difficult, as it can depend on the sort of harm – ie to one’s Deen, or to Dunya – and the extent of which (from the essentials- durooriyat; important aspects – haajiyaat etc) and of course the person’s capacity when directing the harm in question.
Finally, maybe one needs to assess one’s own strength, and conclude on what has been one’s own track record in being able to be someone who turns a bad situation into one which is better. Some, or even many of us, find that difficult. It brings to mind the story of the man, from the previous nations, who killed a hundred people and wished to repent, and was recomended to depart from the people of his previous city who would only be able to frame him through the lens that they previously knew him – and would thus only perpetuate his previous evil tendency.
‘Uzla is great, for thoe with knowledge and piety. May allah grant us knowledge that benefits us, aameen.
Wassalam.
Wa `alaykumusalam wa rahmatullah
Jazak’Allahu khayran for your input.